Why did they think Vin Diesel, a guy with the emotive power of a rock, could do comedy? Sure, there are action hero roles like XXX, where being a buffed rock works well, but THE PACIFIER completely wastes Diesel's limited but undeniable talents. Although he might have hoped THE PACIFIER could do for him what KINDERGARTEN COP did for Arnold Schwarzenegger, THE PACIFIER's script is so lame and stupid even the Governator couldn't have made it work. And Diesel is certainly no Schwarzenegger.
The movie concerns a U.S. Navy SEAL assigned to guard a bunch of kids of an assassinated scientist who is supposed to have hidden the code for a secret software program somewhere in his house. His wife is off to Switzerland, where day after day she tries to guess the password so that the bank will let her have the safety deposit box that her husband left for her.
Meanwhile, back at the house of chaos, Lt. Shane Wolfe (Diesel) attempts to command a group of five unruly children with military precision. You'll be "shocked" to find that his strict orders and confident bravado don't cut it with the kids. And you'll be equally "surprised" to find that they all end up bonding with each other, becoming a happy family unit just before mom finally comes back home.
But no matter how many poopy diapers Wolfe sticks his hands into and no matter how much cereal is thrown at him, this slapstick comedy is almost never funny. Only in the opening, which parodies a commando team in action, does the humor ever come close to being effective.
THE PACIFIER runs 1:38. It is rated PG for "action violence, language and rude humor" and would be acceptable for kids around 6 and up.
By : Steve Rhodes (http://www.internetreviews.com/)
Source: rec.art.movies.reviews newsgroup
Rating: 1
I'll admit it - the only reason I attended a preview screening for The Pacifier is because I have a major crush on Lauren Graham. I knew there was more than a good chance I'd have to watch her touch lips with that hulking monster you like to call Vin Diesel (I call him "Mark Vincent," though not to his face), but I still went. Such is the strength of my attraction to Ms. Graham.
Sadly, The Pacifier doesn't contain enough of Ms. Graham to satiate my unnatural urges to lick the backs of her knees. Also, the film itself is pretty fricking awful, and by simple virtue of being released within one week of Diary of a Man Black Woman and Be Cool, nobody should be able to say its one of the worst films ever projected onto a screen, even though the possibility is quite strong. Hey, it's all about the company you keep, and those films almost make The Pacifier look like Citizen Kane.
Diesel plays a disgraced Navy SEAL named Shane Wolf who is assigned to protect a family of a recently-murdered scientist who invented some kind of cutting edge anti-nukes program (pretty heady stuff for a kiddie pic from Disney). That's right, it's Mr. Mom on steroids.
What follows could have just as easily played out in a three-minute montage that would have saved Disney a bunch of money, and allowed me to stay home and watch Gilmore Girls over and over again on TiVo. All of the stuff you'd expect is there: Wolf has to change a diaper, Wolf has to suffer the indignity of driving a minivan, Wolf has to take the kids to a Chuck E. Cheese-type restaurant, Wolf has to help sell Girl Scout cookies, Planet Sick-Boy has to vomit into the lap of the person sitting to his right (sorry about that, lady).
I was a big fan of MTV's The State and a regular viewer of Comedy Central's Reno 911!, but to learn that The Pacifier was written by Thomas Lennon and Ben Garant is a little like finding out your grandfather used to be a Nazi. I hope they made a lot of money selling this script, or maybe had a brilliant idea turned to shit by choreographer-turned-actor-turned-director Adam Shankman, who has helmed horrible American comedies like Bringing Down the House and The Wedding Planner. Recommended only if your kids have been really, really bad.
1:31 - PG for action violence, language and rude humor
